Great News...

My dear Favorite Nephew and Niece from the Great State of our Next President,

Congratulations! This is great news... I was sooooo excited I decided to visit my Shaikh and share the happy news...

A visit with Shaikh Asaan-Nam...

Maherbaan: Peace be upon you Shaikh...
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Peace be upon you Maherban. You look very happy! what is the good news?

Maherbaan: How did you know I have good news?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: I could tell by the smile on your face that you have some happy news to share...

Maherbaan: Shaikh, you are indeed wise... I do have some great news to share... My nephew is expecting his fourth child and he is not even 32 years old yet!
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Ma-Shal-la, that is indeed good news... how many wives does your nephew have?

Maherbaan: Just one Shaikh
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Just one? How long have they been married?

Maherbaan: They have been married for 10 years Shaikh... He was very young when he got married....
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Well that is not young... I was only 16 when I first got married... and by the time I was 32, I had 18 children with 3 wives... Your nephew seems to be taking his time building a family...

Maherbaan: But Shaikh, you lived in a different time... Most people can't afford to have so many children... and they can only afford one wife...
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Brother, have faith in Allah, he will provide for you and your family...

Maherbaan: You mean Shaikh, If I want another wife... Allah will provide me the means?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: No the wife you have to pay for... but children are a gift from Allah... He will provide their sustenance...

Maherbaan: Too bad Shaikh, for a moment I was really excited... So Allah will provide for the children...
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Yes if you have faith and nurture your children in the best way...

Maherbaan: Shaikh, what is the best way to nurture a child?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Excellent question, Brother Maherban. It starts with the name you give your child.

Maherbaan: Shaikh, It starts with a name?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Yes Maherban, it starts with naming the child. What is the name of your Nephews, first child?

Maherbaan: Shaikh, his name is Averroes; he is named after the famous Ibn Rushud
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Which one the grandfather or the grandson?

Maherbaan: Shaikh, the grandson, the one who wrote the famous book "Incoherence of the Incoherence" a rebuttal to the book written by Al Ghazali "Incoherence of the Philosophers"
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Indeed your nephew already understands the first principle of good nurturing. He has given his son a great name. How did he come up with that name?

Maherbaan: I am not sure Shaikh, I think his wife had something to do with the name... although I am not sure how he came up with it... I know he does not like to read books... so it must have been his wife...
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Well he is lucky to have a wife who is well-read... What are the names of his other children?

Maherbaan: The name of his daughter is Eden-Marwa and his youngest son is called Caesar-Jibrael.
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Ma-Shal-la, Indeed your Nephew and his wife seem to have spent some time coming up with names that are truly excellent… They will have a tough time coming up with a better name than those…
Maherbaan: Shaikh, I never thought of it that way… but you are correct; they have indeed named their children with some excellent names… Although, I have to confess, I don’t understand what they were thinking when they named their last child Caesar-Jibrael. Does it mean they think that Caesar will be an Angelic Leader? That almost seems like a contradiction. As a leader, you have to make some tough decisions that will not seem very nice… Or does it mean that Caesar will be guided by Allah?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: No. No. Brother, Maherban, just when I think you are close to gaining some wisdom, you remind me why you are still a student. The name Caesar-Jibrael is a homage to the ideal leader… A name is intended to give the person being named a reputation of some ideal. Indeed your Nephew and his wife seem to be saying that should Caesar decide to become a leader that his middle name should guide him to seek Allah for guidance.

Maherbaan: But Shaikh, Jibrael was the Servant of Allah that gave the Message to the prophet… Does that mean they think Caesar will receive his guidance from Allah through one of his servants?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: The Seal of the Prophets has already come… Allah’s guidance is now found through knowledge and through the use of correct reason. Jibrael is intended to be a metaphor for Religious knowledge gained through effort studying the Quran and the Sunnah, as well as the great works of other scholars and the use of correct reasoning. In addition, knowledge is not just limited to religious knowledge. To truly receive Allah’s guidance, you have to seek his signs that can be found in nature and the story of bygone people. This knowledge is gained through the study of sciences, history and social conditions. Clearly, your Nephew’s wife must be well-read and understands that by giving this great name to her 3rd child, she is giving him a reputation to achieve greatness.

Maherbaan: So what you are saying Shaikh, is that a name should give a person a reputation to live up to…What if the child decides he does not like the reputation his or her parents chose for them. What should they do?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: A Child when they grow up can always give themselves a new name. But they should try to honor the name their parents gave them…

Maherbaan: So I agree with you Shaikh, my Nephew will have a tough time coming up with a new name for his fourth child. The first three names are so excellent that the fourth one is bound to disappoint.
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Brother Maherban, Allah has granted us with the bounty of time… Indeed, as good as the names of their first three children are… there are plenty of good names left from history. If they choose to follow the path of their first child, then there are plenty of noteworthy scholars from the Muslim world. You can find their biographies at http://www.muslimheritage.com/. If they choose to follow the example of the 3rd child, then there are many virtues that provide great names.

Maherbaan: I noticed you did not comment on his daughter’s name. How would you characterize her name?
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: Well I have not seen her but she must be a very special and beautiful child. Her name clearly says that she is Heavenly. Indeed her parents must feel like they have found Heaven on earth when they are in her company.

Maherbaan: Shaikh, you have given me a whole new perspective of my grand-nephews and grand-niece. I can’t wait to see them and get to know them.
Shaikh Asaan-Nam: You are very fortunate to have such a great Nephew and he is clearly very lucky to have such a thoughtful wife… Don’t bother coming back if you don’t take some pictures with this wonderful family.

Well, there you have it, My Nephew… I sure hope you make it to our family vacation… or I will be in hot water with the Shaikh…

Also, I think we should all think about how we can help My Nephew and his wife with some Awesome names… They carry a very large burden indeed… I am willing to put some money on the table for the person that comes up with the name which my Nephew and my Niece Approve.

What do you say, my Nephew? Should we hold a CONTEST?

A sin

Brother Maherban finds out that he has again caused controversy with his e-mail. He is writing yet another e-mail to apologize for his shortcoming...

Dear Family,

It has come to my attention by the former Ameer of the Family that I may have insulted one of the nominees to the position of the Ameer…. I want to publicly declare that I in no way intended to insult anyone. In case I did offend the person… I would deeply apologize for this un-intended offense…

This event has caused me so much distress that I sought out Shaik Abu Th-insk-in for some advice:

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Peace be upon you brother, what is wrong?
Maherban: Peace be upon you ya Shaikh, how did you know something was wrong?

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, I only see you when your heart is troubled… Tell me about it…
Maherbaan: Shaikh, I may have sinned…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, how did you sin?
Maherbaan: I wrote this e-mail describing the notes from a Shura conference call to elect the family Ameer…. And in the process, I may have insulted some people…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, how did you do that?
Maherbaan: Shaikh, I took some liberties with the facts, and used satire to describe the outcome of the meeting. My satire may have offended some individuals who were the subject of this satire…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, you are confusing me… did you insult or offend the concerned individual?
Maherbaan: Shaikh, I am told I may have done both…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Clearly it is not hard to offend the person you insult, however, it is harder to insult the person you offend. Which one do you think you did first?
Maherbaan: Huh? Shaikh, I don't understand…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, I can offend you by paying more attention to someone else, but I don't necessarily have to insult you in the process. However, if I insult you by making fun of you, I have necessarily offended you.
Maherbaan: Shaikh, so you are saying, that I may offend someone without insulting them, but I cannot insult them and NOT offend them.

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Precisely!
Maherbaan: Now that you mention it… I am not sure which I did first… I think I may have insulted first, which necessarily means I offended them.

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: And how did you insult them…
Maherbaan: That's just it Shaikh, I am not sure how I did it… I am told that I was making fun of the person concerned… an opinion which I don't agree with…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, It does not matter what you think… you have to take special care not to offend anyone… How would you feel if someone picked on someone you really like and made fun of them… you would be offended… while the person who was picked on may be insulted…
Maherbaan: Why would I be offended? Just because I like someone does not mean that others cannot make fun of them… besides it depends on the kind of fun they were having… If it was harmless… then I would probably laugh along…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Subhan-Allah, brother, it is a sin to laugh at others… Allah will never forgive you unless the person you made fun of forgives you first… and you should never laugh at someone… you might hurt their feelings…
Maherbaan: Shaikh, what kind of person has their feelings hurt when someone is making fun of them… We are not talking about physically hurting someone… we are talking of a joke which may ridicule, parody, or use satire to logically prove the absurd about the person. For instance, if someone says to me "Maherban, you are so fat, you show up on the radar! You are so fat, when you step on a scale, It says TO BE CONTINUED… You are so fat, when you step on a digital scale, it says, NO LIVE STOCK PLEASE… You are so fat, you caused a tsunami the last time you jump in the water on the beach… You are so fat, they would have to baptize you in the great lakes…"

I think all of the above fat jokes are funny… and I would laugh at them…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, you would not be offended?
Maherbaan: Shaikh, comedy is comedy… you cannot take offense about good humor… clearly, the above jokes are meant to be funny… Now if they said, "You are fat pig" that would not be funny… I mean to call a Muslim a PIG is not halal! That is like calling a person haram! That would be just mean!

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, As-tugh-fir-la! Don't use that word… you have just broken my Wudu…
Maherbaan: I am sorry Shaikh, anyways… I don't see how comedy can hurt a person's feelings. Aren't hurt feelings an indicator of guilt about the subject of the joke… For instance, if I felt guilty about being FAT, my feelings would be hurt… since there is no reason for me to feel guilty… I can laugh at the jokes… On the other hand… If I started to feel hurt by what someone was saying in fun… then they must be hitting something close to the truth about what I really don't like in myself…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother, you are correct in your analysis… however, the average person is not so introspective… they generally like to blame others for their own insecurities… that is why you have to be careful… otherwise, you may recklessly force them to confront their own flaws… Truth is the ultimate way to hurt someone's delusions…

Maherbaan: So you are saying that I should only make fun of people who are comfortable with themselves… and they would recognize the joke for what it is…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Yes Brother! That is exactly what I am saying…
Maherbaan: Well I guess Shaikh, then I did not commit a sin… The person I may have offended definitely understands their own short comings… And this person likes satire…

Shaikh Abu Th-insk-in: Brother! Just remember, it is a great honor to be made fun of by a person of knowledge… It is a sign that you have discovered yourself…
Maherbaan: Thanks Shaikh… you have made my day…

Well there you have it family… I did not commit a sin after all…

Till next time….

The Election

The next day brother Maherban held the conference call… After the conference call, brother Maherban writes another e-mail to his family…

Dear Family,

Today we had our Shura conference call at 12:30PM. Here are the resolutions from the call...

Attendance:
- Maherban representing my self, my wife, my three children
- Talking Bird: representing her self, her daughter and her husband (if he is coming)
- Brother Superior and his wife provided their proxies to Maherban
- Nephew from North Carolina provided his proxy to Maherban

Missing:
- Brother Moderate, his wife and his two children
- Niece who organized the vacation and her husband
- Abbu and Amma
- Nephew from Chicago (if he is coming)

Resolved:
The attendees addressed the issue of the Ameer. Sister Talking Bird was nominated to the position by Maherban, Brother Moderate was nominated in absentia by Anonymous.

Sister Talking Bird position was represented by Maherban who described her qualifications as follows:

Maherban speaking on Behalf of nominee Sister Talking Bird:
As a person who has known her since she first changed my diaper, I consider her to be of excellent character. She is generally a conservative personality. She is trustworthy and has vast international experience in managing family vacations. She also has foreign policy experience in managing households in an international setting. You might say she is a Maverick and has gone against many opinions within her own family. She is definitely her own person. Her other pertinent experience includes managing the vacation budget for multi-family (over 4 different families spanning 4 separate vacations over 10 years) and NEVER exceeding the original budgeted amount (i.e. NO DEFICIT Spending or lamb [Halal] barrel projects). Sister Talking Bird has supported the line-item veto to pair down the menu. Given the tough vacation environment, as well the fact that our vacation house is so close to an international border, we need a person with fiscal responsibility and foreign policy experience. I strongly urge the Shura to elect Sister Talking Bird as the new Ameer.

Brother Moderate’s position was represented by Anonymous who described his qualifications as follows:

Anonymous speaking on Behalf of nominee Brother Moderate:
If you ever wanted change, Brother Moderate is the right person. He has a great many untested ideas that might be excellent. He is young, energetic, and works well with all who agree with him. He started his career in managing parties after finishing college. His first party was a community block party where he brought numerous community groups to feast on all kinds of food they had never tasted. For this effort, he was recognized as a community organizer and awarded $50,000 to fund alternative food tasting parties. He used this money to establish Alternative Cuisine of Ravishing Nuggets (ACORN). The money was provided by a person of questionable character. The ACORN group has recently been in the news for faking food parties. Setting aside the early failures with ACORN, Brother Moderate served a distinguished career in the household serving many delicious meals to his family. However, a review by the budget office has revealed DEFICIT spending by Brother Moderate on numerous occasions when large parties were organized. Brother Moderate has international experience seeing over 60 countries in High Definition (HD) on the Discovery Channel in just the last 4 years. Just this year, Brother Moderate visited the 4th battalion vacationing in the BAHAMAS where he got to see the challenges faced by vacationers first hand. Brother Moderate has proposed over a dozen new snack and meal items. The citizen for low calories foundation has denounced his plan and pointed out that his snacks and meals are not paid for in the budget. The new deficit will blow a hole in the family budget. However, If you are looking to CHANGE the way you vacation, then you definitely want to elect Brother Moderate as your Ameer. He will bring a CHANGE you can believe!

After both speakers had finished speaking, a confidential vote was held. By a very slim margin, Sister Talking Bird won the vote. Brother Moderate’s partisans immediately filed suit against the Shura for not counting the votes of people who were not present. They argued, that the clear intent of those not present was CHANGE!. However, the court dismissed the suit and denied all further appeals thus validating Shura's original vote.

After selecting the Ameer, the Shura quickly moved to the next Agenda item as time was running short.
The Ameer agreed with the following suggestions:
that the variety of cookies will be cut down to just 2 (chocolate chip, oatmeal),
the number of deserts to just 3 (Birthday cake, Apple Pie, and Tiramisu)
The number of snacks was paired down to 2 (Nachos no meat, spinach dip)
After pairing down the menu, the Ameer quickly issued new commands to the cooks to revise their ingredient(s) list.

The meeting was then adjourned with 3 takbirs.

A Crisis...

Five days have passed and we find Maherban in another crisis… He has just finished a conversation with his mother…

Dear Family,

On my drive home today, I had a conversation with our appointed Ameer... and I was informed that the Ameer never accepted the official position...

This is a serious problem and it places our vacation in jeopardy... We need to resolve this problem ASAP... I am calling a Shura Council of the whole family or their appointed representatives to appoint a new Ameer...

I suggest we all call in on Wednesday 12:30PM (during lunch break so Apajan can join) at the following conference number:
1-555-555-1212 792333#

Agenda:
- Elect a new Ameer
- Have the Ameer decide how many deserts and cookies will be on the menu... The food budget is out of control!

To prepare for this Shura council, I am including a halaqa from Shaikh IJMA and Shaikh De Nile...

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh De Nile, Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah. Shaikh, I wanted to discuss with you a very sticky problem of selecting an Ameer.
Shaikh De Nile: and Peace be upon you Shaikh IJMA. What is the problem?

Shaikh IJMA: The problem has to do with selecting a new Ameer when there is no clear line of succession.
Shaikh De Nile: There is no problem Brother... don't worry... Allah will point the way...

Shaikh IJMA: Yes Shaikh, but how will we know which is the correct way pointed to by Allah
Shaikh De Nile: Brother, there is ONLY one correct way... Allah does not lead us in confusion...

Shaikh IJMA: Yes Shaikh, but as far as I know... the Ameer is the leader... and in this situation, we have no Ameer... So how will Allah lead us without an Ameer?
Shaikh De Nile: No! No! Brother... there is no problem here... Allah does not only guide us through an Ameer... We have reason to help us...

Shaikh IJMA: SubanAllah Shaikh, the current ijma has forbidden reason as a tool for making decisions. And we cannot go against the ijma.
Shaikh De Nile: Brother IJMA, I have to disagree with you... There can be no ijma on an error... What was forbidden was not reason but the conclusions reached by reason. It is like banning knives, just because someone used it to commit murder...

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh, I see what you are saying... but I also have to disagree with you... in our current climate the ijma is definitely to ban reason in favor of obedience
Shaikh De Nile: Brother IJMA, you are only correct about the ignorant... our learned brothers reserve the right to make up their own mind using reason.

Shaikh IJMA: Ok brother... I will concede that the learned can use reason... but even if we use reason... how can we determine who to select as the new Ameer
Shaikh De Nile: There is no problem brother... The prophet said, "Do not appoint those who seek power"... So you appoint the person who does not want to be Ameer

Shaikh IJMA: But brother, if a person does not want to be an Ameer, then what makes you think they can do the job...
Shaikh De Nile: Again brother... there is no problem here... The person who does not want to be Ameer already understands his own limitations... therefore this person is likely to seek others' advice in discharging their duties...

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh, how does this help us... The job of the Ameer is to make decisions on behalf of the people...
Shaikh De Nile: No... Brother...the job of the Ameer is not to make decisions on behalf of the people, but to enforce the rules by which people can co-exist in Justice... The job of making the rules is left to the shura council...

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh, so how does it help us when the person who is enforcing the rules has to constantly seek advice
Shaikh De Nile: Again brother there is no problem here... you see... one person cannot know everything... so they have to consult others to understand how to make good decisions...

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh, what if the people the Ameer consults are ignorant, arrogant, malicious, or just bad people
Shaikh De Nile: Brother... this is not a problem... a person who knows his own limitations also knows the limitation of others... besides you have the same problem if you select a person who covets power, is as you say "just a bad person", AND does not seek any advice... where does that leave us... we are no better of...

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh, but this is why we need a qualified Ameer... So we don't end up with a "bad person"... how will we know, who is a good Ameer if they don't seek the position... If they don't tell us about themselves and what they believe in... How are we to use reason?
Shaikh De Nile: No problem... That is why you have trusted individuals nominate the ameer. The person who nominates will testify to the persons qualities…

Shaikh IJMA: Shaikh, What if a bad person nominates an idiot who they plan to manipulate... They are very convincing and they make the person they are nominating sound great! AND we have no knowledge of the person doing the nominating... What are we to do then?
Shaikh De Nile: No problem... Just ignore the nomination... you see if you don't trust the person who is promoting the candidate... just ignore the advice...

Shaikh IJMA: But Shaikh, what if the person spends a long time to convince us to trust them by telling us what they stand for... like low taxes, small government, a strong military, individual responsibility, and free-market economy... Since we agree with all these positions, we are inclined to believe them... but after we consent to their nominee... the person turns out to be an idiot and makes really bad decisions...
Shaikh De Nile: No problem... with time, you can appoint a new ameer...

Shaikh IJMA: But Shaikh, what if the opposite is true... what if the person or persons spend a long time to convince us to trust them by telling us that they will take care of us, they will protect the poor, promote individual rights, protect the rights of women, provide us with health care, AND... given our last experience we believe them... only to find out the person they nominated can speak really well, but has no practical experience, is surrounded by people who failed with policies like big government, high taxes, welfare, and central bureaucracies that took 20 years to get rid off... and now ends up taking us back to the 60's and 70's... ALL in the name of CHANGE! How is this change when we are going backward... IT’S like all those hadiths that were invented to sanctify worst of the ignorance period and make them part of Islam...
Shaikh De Nile: No problem... we again use reason to guide us...

Shaikh IJMA: But Shaikh, you said to trust the person nominating the Ameer... how can we trust people who talk a great game and try to convince us that the other guy is bad... for instance, the first guys (the ones that like small government) tell us the nominee of the Shia party is not even a citizen... and the Shia party claims, the nominee and their successor are racist and stupid! Where does reason play into this equation... AND Shaikh, just the other day the Shia party got the Shaikh pollwe to praise their well-spoken nominee... Some of us who like Shaikh pollwe, are now really confused... Others think he was always a Shia anyway... and would support only his own kind... besides he thinks that the nominee and their appointed successor is "NOT READY"... what kind of reason do we use here?
Shaikh De Nile: No problem... we ignore what both of them are saying and weigh the balance of the evidence... On the one hand, we have a nominee who is clearly been around the block, maybe a little too long, but knows himself enough to know what he does not know... and on the other hand we have the Shia nominee who is clearly well-spoken, smooth, seems to wear a red cape that looks like he can fly, seems to have the foreknowledge of the prophets, and displays a remarkable ability to convince us he stands for CHANGE (even though it will take us back 30 years)... The evidence suggests that we cannot go wrong with either choice... Just have faith in Allah and everything will be OK!

Suddenly Shaikh IJMA has a heart-attack! Don't worry... the Shaikh was taken to the hospital and was immediately treated with the best care insurance could buy... Good thing the Shaikh had not gotten the county gold card... or he might not have made it in the county hospital...

Don't be late to conference call! We will stick to the agenda!

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur

Maherban finds himself trying to explain fear to his nephew based on a statement made by his nephew…

“…If my wife asked me that question the way you just did, I would agree without reading or investigating, out of pure fear…”

Dear Nephew from Chicago,

Your statement is amusing... However, just in case you were serious... I will share a halaqa I attended with Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Today we are hear to talk about who we should fear. As a Muslim who should you fear?
Eager Student: Shaikh , peace be upon you and mercy of Allah, I fear the terrorists...

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Subhan-ullah... Brother you should not fear the terrorists... they cannot harm you... as a Muslim you should only fear Allah...
Eager Student: But Shaikh , I have seen how the innocent are hurt by the terrorists with my own eyes... How can you say they cannot harm me...

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bhadur: Brother, they can only harm your body... your body is only needed for this world... your body will do you no good in the next world... so you see they really cannot harm you...
Eager Student: But Shaikh , are you saying I should not fear someone who can harm my body?

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: No... your body is only a test for you in this world...
Eager Student: But Shaikh , I don't understand... if I don't have to fear someone who will harm my body... then why should I fear Allah?

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Because Allah can damn you to eternal hell fire... What can a terrorist do to you in this world... He can only destroy your body... he cannot destroy your score with Allah...
Brother Long Beard: I see what you mean Shaikh , but as you know, I spend my days learning the wisdom Allah has granted the best of his servants, I help those in need, I feed the hungry, I am faithful to my wives, I spend in the way of Allah, I safe guard the property that has been entrusted of me, I pray to Allah to keep me humble and not become arrogant with righteous piety. I do everything I know to be a virtuous Muslim in deed. I am not really afraid of Allah, I figure, if there is something I do out of ignorance that is a sin... Allah will guide me to the right path... But I do fear others who may harm me or my family...

Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Brother, I will concede, that you make a significant effort to gain Allah's pleasure... but you are missing the point... When we talk about fear, the only thing as a Muslim we should fear is the eternal hell fire. The word fear is not used for human caused harm... The words for human generated harm is horror, terror, afraid.... and of course you should be horrified, terrorized, or afraid of harmful acts by barbarians... however, you should never fear any harm that comes to you by man... The word fear as used in the Quran is meant to re-assure believers that they had nothing to fear from Allah.. and when Pharaoh would tell his followers that he was a God... Allah reminded the people that Pharaoh was Arrogant to think he was a God, that like all false Gods he had no say so in what happens to the person after they were dead... The Pharaoh used to threaten his people with eternal hell fire... Allah responded by saying that the only one to fear was Allah and not man... For man could not determine where a person ended up in the after life...

Eager Student: Al-Humdu-lil-lah Shaikh , I never understood that before... when I hear Shaikh Kno-wit-all, he always said, that we should fear Allah, or we will face a calamity... I always understood that to mean this world and not the next world... so I stand corrected... I don't fear the terrorist, but I am afraid of them...
Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Brother, I cannot tell you what Shaikh Kno-wit-all meant... But that is what I understand the word fear to mean... There are others who will disagree with me on this topic... However, it is my judgment that the balance of the evidence we have, suggests the understanding I have relayed to you is the most consistent with a just Diety. So since we have decided that we should not fear the terrorists... who should we fear?

Long Beard: As you said Shaikh , we should only fear Allah, but I too am afraid Shaikh .
Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Brother Long Beard, who are you afraid of?

Long Beard: Shaikh , I am afraid of women.. I worry that I will be enticed into committing a sin...
Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bahadur: Brother Long Bear, you should not be afraid of women.. As you long you maintain that very long beard, you should not be worried of any women coming near you... Having said that… you should know that women are a blessing from Allah! Brother Long Beard, if you are afraid of committing a sin with a women, then just get married...

Long Beard: Thank you Shaikh for your advice... I hope to find such a woman soon...
Shaikh Fe-arn-ot al-bhadur: My students, I will confess that I too am afraid... I am afraid of my wife... not because she is a woman... but because of her cooking... I never know if I am going to survive her next meal... may Allah forgive me... will one of you kind students bring me some food to eat...


There you have it my Nephew from Chicago... Only fear Allah....not your wife!

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab

It is now three days later and the e-mail has caused more fitna... Maherban's suggestion that his father assumes the Amir position based on an IJMA of the family, has caused great controversy... His father has denounced Maherban and appointed his mother as the Amir... Maherban writes another e-mail directed to his father...

Abbu,

I was very disturbed by your call for a break of IJMA (consensus)... Soooo... I went and consulted a different Shaikh...

Maherbaan: Shaikh, peace be upon you... thank you for seeing me on such short notice... I need your advice about a fitna in my family...
Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: A Finta! Brother, what is causing this fitna?

Maherbaan: Shaikh, my Father has acted as the AMIR and abdicated his position to my mother. He has also called for IJMA to be broken!
Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Subhan-Allah, he called for the IJMA to be broken? and he put your mother in charge!

Maherbaan: Yes Shaikh, that is exactly what he did!
Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: And what IJMA was he trying to break? There can be no IJMA on an error!

Maherbaan: Shaikh, we were trying to build an IJMA on the menu for Thanksgiving week my niece organized (apparently at the suggestion of her brother...might be news to her... but that's another story). We went through a process of getting EVERYONE's suggestion.... organized them into a survey... had EVERYONE rank each meal according to a scale from 1 to 10... where 1 was "I rather starve" and 10 was "YUM YUM"... EVERYONE voted (14 people), except my brother and my niece's (who organized this trip after being told to do so by her brother) husband and my nephew from Chicago (who is not coming as far as I know...). And we had one Vote with a name that I cannot say to you, Shaikh... We all agreed to abide by the RANK method.. I published the results of the Survey and asked that a Shura (assembly of appointed people) be held to decide who would prepare the meals...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Brother, What name can you not say?
Maherbaan: Shaikh, I would be embarrassed to say it to you... (face red)...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Brother, I am a Shaikh... I have seen many things... I have delivered many babies... I have counseled thousands of people... I have buried hundreds of bodies... I have fought many a Shaitan... You cannot say or do anything that would make me think less of you than I already do...
Maherbaan: Thanks, Shaikh... I Think... But please don't ask me again to repeat the name... Can I just e-mail it to you?

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Ok just e-mail it to me... now continue with your story...
Maherbaan: Shaikh... where was I... Oh yes!.... When I asked for a Shura council... well that's when everything went wrong... We were running short of time...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Short of time... Thanksgiving is not until the 4th Thursday in November... This is only October... how can you be running short of time?
Maherbaan: Shaikh, you see my brother is going on a much-deserved vacation to Cabo! this next week... well his wife wanted to buy the supplies before they left for the trip... and although they would be back before November 1, 2008... a full 2 weeks before the trip... My mother likes to cook well ahead of time... and well... she wanted to make the Biryani before she came to visit me in Houston... You see she lives with my brother in Dallas...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Ma-Shalla, You know it is a blessing when a mother visits her son... When is your mother coming to visit you?
Maherbaan: November 9, 2008...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Let me get this straight... Your Mother is coming to Houston on November 9th... and your brother is going on a trip in October and would be back before November 1st...
Maherbaan: Yes Shaikh...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Well she has plenty of time to cook her Biryani... So what is the problem...
Maherbaan: Well there was no problem yet... but as I said... We were trying to hold a Shura council... and well because my wife and I were busy on Sunday (This past Sunday after I published the survey results on Thursday morning)... My niece (the one who organized the trip only because her brother made her) decided that it was important to get the Shura done on Saturday... So she called my brother from Chicago who is a very wise and calm person... and asked him if he was available... He, as usual, had no strong opinion on the matter... You see Shaikh, my brother listens to all sides and generally doesn't get into arguments for no reason... so my niece based on that ONE input decided that no one else wanted to participate... Soooo... She called me and we held a Shura among just a few members of the family...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Who was present at this Shura... and if no one else wanted to participate... Why did she call you?
Maherbaan: Shaikh, The Shura had my brother who lives in Dallas, my niece (who organized this trip at the command of her brother), my mother, my sister-in-law who lives in Dallas, as well as me, Shaikh. And I don't have any idea why she called me... I wish she had not... I would not find my self involved in this Fitna...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: get a hold of your self brother... Be a Man... You cannot wish the past away... Don't wipe your face with your left hand... haven't I taught you anything about Sunna...
Maherbaan: I am sorry... When I get stressed... I become Sunna challenged... OK... where was I... She called me because I had the Survey results... and she wanted me to be a scribe! you see Shaikh, Like my brother in Chicago... I too am a man of few opinions... although I don't listen as well as he does.. and sometimes I do get overly excited... well Shaikh... let's just say she wanted me to quickly send the assignments to everyone... and I don't have any idea why she was in such a hurry...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Ok... you need to maintain your composure... It seems like the problem you are facing is as follows: You were forced into hurrying a Shura that not everyone got to participate in... and this goes against your nature... You are a gentleman... and you need to have everyone approve of you... so you work very hard to get everyone to get along... you also don't like conflict...
Maherbaan: Shaikh, how do you know me so well...

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: When you know the ingredients in a recipe... then you know what it will taste like... So here is what you should do...
Maherbaan: What is that Shaikh?

Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: You should listen to your father and leave your mother in charge... This will make you happy... As to IJMA... well the process was flawed, to begin with... you did not get all the members to vote... you hurried the results... as to the Shura... it was not a Shura at all... Since you cannot undo all the mistakes you made... Just leave it alone...

Maherbaan: Shaikh, you make it sound so easy... how do I keep this from happening again...
Shaikh Ea-syja-wab: Don't listen to your niece (the one who organized this trip....)

Maherbaan: an excellent idea Shaikh...

Well, Abbu... there you have it... It seems like you were right all along... I am glad we are finally starting to agree about life...

Shaikh Fat-wa

We find brother Maherban again having to respond to his last e-mail to his family about the advice he received from Shaikh Kno-wit-all... this time he is writing a response to his nephew...

My Favorite Nephew in the Hanging Chad State of Flo-rida,

It is good to hear that you are alive... although I am saddened by your assertion that you find my musings so frustrating...

It reminds me of a halaqa I recently attended by Shaikh Ibn Fat-wa.

Shaikh Ibn Fat-wa: My students we are here today to talk about... (long pause)... what makes us frustrated!... Who here knows the cause of frustration? Anybody?
Eager Student: Peace be upon you Shaikh, and may Allah bless you for your great insight... Shaikh, is Shaitan (Satan) the cause of our frustrations?

Shaikh Ibn Fat-wa: Yes Eager Student, indeed Shaitan can cause us frustration... But how does he do it? What are the means that lead to frustration?
Young Student with peach fuz goatee: Peace be upon you Shaikh, and may Allah reward you 70 times for spreading the word of Allah... Shaikh, is it logic and philosophy that frustrates us?

Shaik Ibn Fat-wa: Brother young student with peach fuz goatee, indeed you are correct... and may Allah reward you 70 times for your efforts. Allah has forbidden reason... for reason leads to discussion and discussions lead to fitna... Indeed fitna is the greatest form of sin... What other means of frustration are there?
Long Beard Untucked Shirt: Peace be upon you Shaikh, and may Allah reward you 10 times the Fibonacci series for your efforts in trying to give us certain knowledge... Shaikh, is it women that are a means of frustration?

Shaik Ibn Fat-wa: Yes Long Beard, indeed some women are a source of frustration to men, while others are a source of great comfort... If you find your self frustrated by a woman... then pray to Allah that you find a comfort woman who will take away all your frustrations... what are some other things that frustrate us? Yes, brother Maherbaan... you don't have to raise your hand... Did I not tell you last week to stop trimming your beard and tucking your shirt... also don't raise your left hand... raise your right hand... that is more closer to Sunna...
Maherbaan: Peace be upon you Shaikh, and may Allah reward you 71 times 71 for trying to bring us the light of wisdom... and Shaikh... forgive me for I am Sunna challenged... I also find my self in darkness and doubt... Isn't frustration caused by an inability to solve the problems we face... and the fear of never being able to solve them...

Shaik Ibn Fat-wa: Subhanallah, brother Maherbaan you could not be any more wrong... Nothing happens without Allah's knowledge... and our frustrations cannot be caused by us... why would anyone not be able to, with Allah's help, solve any problem they confront... That makes no sense... Indeed as other brothers have pointed out the various causes of our frustrations... Brother at this rate you will never be able to move forward in your studies...

I hope this helps you understand that causes of frustration are many... Last I checked... I was not a Shaitan, a women or a philosopher...

That only leaves logic... I guess... Never mind...

Sorry!... I will be more careful next time...


Your Uncle
Maherbaan

About Shaikh Spear

Maherban finds himself deluged with e-mail responses from his family...
He is especially disturbed by an e-mail from his niece.
Here is his response to this niece...

My dear favorite niece in the great state of M!

I am so sorry the Shaikh Kno-wit-all disappointed you...

What can I do to return the 5 minutes you just wasted...

I really think you should give the Shaikh another chance... He is quite knowledgeable... Maybe you should discuss the virtues of the Shaikh with Abbu... He seems to hold them in very high regard... You know after many years of disagreeing with Abbu about the Shaikh... I have come to respect the Shaikh and his vast and certain knowledge...

It might take you some time to realize the wisdom of the Shaikh... but when you do... you will have... well I don't want to give away the surprise...

I look forward to you starting your journey in search of the Shaikh...

In fact, I invite all the young folks to start this journey as soon as possible...

Maybe we can add some activities centered around the Shaikh during our vacation...

I would love to introduce you guys to Shaikh Spear!

Here is a sample of his greatest Halaqa (classroom discussion)!

Shaikh Spear: To be or not be! To be or not be a Muslim! That is the question we must ask ourselves! To be a Muslim is s not about just dressing right, having the right name, and performing the 5 pillars. It is more than going to Juma, reading the Quran in Arabic, obeying your parents, or seeking out and following the right Shaikh.

To be a perfect Muslim, you must avoid all sins and the paths that lead to sin. You must learn to enjoin the good and forbid evil. You must forbid all paths that lead to sin... You know the greatest path that leads to sin?

Who knows the greatest path that leads to sin? Anybody? Yes.. young man, what do you think is the greatest path to sin?

Young Man: Women!

Shaikh Spear: No that would be the 3rd greatest path to sin? Yes, brother with a long beard and the untucked shirt.

Brother Long Beard: Shaikh, is it Fitna? or is it anything that leads to Fitna!

Shaikh Spear: No brother, but you are closer... Fitna is the greatest sin... it is not a path to the sin... yes, you brother Maherbaan with the jeans and the tucked shirt and a short beard... Did I not tell you last week to stop wearing jeans, tucking your shirt, and trimming your beard...

Maherbaan: yes Shaikh, you did... I am ashamed brother... but I think I know the answer to your question... Is it the tongue!

Shaikh Spear: No brother Maherban... but in your ignorance, you have managed to stumble closer to the truth... The tongue is the 2nd greatest path to sin. Since no one else knows the answer... let me tell you the greatest path to sin... .....

As you guys can read from the above excerpt... The esteemed Shaikh Spear has an amazing amount of certain knowledge...

Spending even just 10 seconds with him will clear all confusion and cause you to remove all doubt, become more perfect... and because you are pursuing knowledge with the Shaikh... your reward is increased 70 times 70... and if you act now the Shaikh will double the reward offered... but wait... if you e-mail the Shaikh in the next 10 minutes... you will multiply your reward 70 times every time you seek out the Shaikh... Just in case you missed the math... that would be 70 to the power of n... not 70n but 70 to the power of n... can you believe this amazing offer... you see by increasing the reward by 70 times the previous amount of accumulated reward... you won't need to seek the Shaikh as often... I mean common... how much reward does one person need?... Other than Iblis... I don't think anybody in this family commits that level of sin that they would need so many rewards... yes if you act now... you can set your self up for the rest of your life... and in these Financial times... who can resist this amazing offer...


I hope I have given you back the wasted 5 minutes of your life...


Your Uncle
Maherbaan

Shaikh Kno-wit-all Speaks!

A regular family vacation plan has descended into a contentious argument. Brother Maherbaan writes an e-mail to his family...

Dear Family,

Maybe we should vote to restart from scratch?

It seems like some members of the family are already satisfied with the menu...
So, it would not be fair to now start over...

On the other hand, if the process was flawed then the results were never valid...

I don't know how we got here... I am sooooo confused!

I know! lets go ask the Shaikh on how to move forward.

Maherbaan : Shaikh Kno-wit-all, I have a very serious problem.
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: What is the problem brother?

Maherbaan : We are planning a family vacation for Thanksgiving and.... well... now we have the whole family involved in fitna! I don't know what to do...
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Brother, fitna is a great sin... you must stop all discussion that leads to fitna...

Maherbaan : Shaikh, how do I do that?
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Brother, you must stop all discussions, talking is the way of the devil to lead people to mischief!

Maherbaan : Shaikh, but how will we know what everyone wants without asking them?
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Brother, you only need to get the menfolk to give their baiya...baiya means pledge... to you... as to women and children... remind them that they must obey their husbands.

Maherbaan : you don't know my family... our womenfolk have very strong opinions... they don't let the menfolk tell them what to do... don't you have some wisdom that might help to persuade my family to come together and agree
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Brother, your family is indeed in error! Subhanallah! a nation can never succeed if it is lead by a woman!

Maherbaan : but Shaikh, this is my family... we are not a nation!
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Brother, if the principle applies to a nation! then indeed it applies to a family!

Maherbaan : so Shaikh, let me get this straight. You want me to remind the womenfolk that they must obey their husbands or fathers, and you want me to get the menfolk to give me their power of attorney... Did I say that correctly...
Shaikh Kno-wi-tall: Not exactly, you must first determine who the amir is in this situation...

Maherbaan : amir, what is that?
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: That is the person who is in charge

Maherbaan : Oh Shaik, that would be Amma... my mother...
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Subhanallah! brother, you will have to change that! you cannot have a woman in charge!

Maherbaan : Shaikh, you don't understand... I don't think I can stand up to my mother... I don't feel well when she does not approve of my decisions... I need her to like what I decide...
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Brother, you don't need the approval of a woman... even if she is your mother...

Maherbaan : I don't!... I don't know Shaik... I am now even more confused... why don't you continue with the amir part...
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: As I was saying... You must first determine who the amir is in this situation... Brother, I suggest you select the oldest male member of your family as the amir...

Maherbaan : Why is that Shaikh?
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Well the oldest member has the most wisdom... you cannot help but gain wisdom with age...

Maherbaan : Shaikh, that would be my Father!
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Great! so remind everyone that your father is the amir... get the menfolk to give their pledge to your father... and have him make all the final decisions...

Maherbaan : so Shaikh, if I understand it correctly... you want me to get my father to make all the final decisions about the vacation... Is that correct?
Shaikh Kno-wit-all: Yes! brother... now you understand!

Maherbaan : OK... Thank you, Shaikh... I will tell my family...

So there you have it, family... The Shaikh has spoken... We must have Abbu decide what should be on the menu... who is going to make it... and when it should be served... by whom... I like it... this makes it easy... we can all just follow Abbu's advice... What do you guys think?

Write back soon...